just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
