I swear she didn't look like that last week.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
