You just made me feel so damn special
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
