Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
She swung at the pinata with crutches
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
