is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
