She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
