Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
We are two peas in an std pod
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Randomize
