those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
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