Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
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