I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
