I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
