He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
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