I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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