My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
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