Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Randomize
