I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Randomize
