When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Randomize
