and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
