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Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize
