I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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