one word: firstdatebathroomanal
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
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