aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
