my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
