He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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