so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
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