Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Randomize
