They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
