My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
