end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
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