I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
I've blown a few things in my day
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
