I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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