Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
