Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Randomize
