I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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