If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
