omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
