I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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