i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
