i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
How naked do you want me to be?
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
Randomize
