Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
