This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
