Welp...herpes.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
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