I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Found your dick twin last night
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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