I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
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