I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
