Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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