I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Randomize
