Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Randomize
