I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Randomize
