Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
