So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
