Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
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