u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
there's paper in my vomit.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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