your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Randomize
