dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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