I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Randomize
