She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
