i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
